So, as you know I came home from Bredon on 1st August 2012 (see my previous post if you have no idea what I’m going on about). I’d had a lovely week and barely thought about my back, and also suffering from post-Bredon blues, as usual. But, what better to cheer me up than visiting my cousin and her 2 year old daughter Bethan.
Me and my mum drove up to Croydon to their house, we had some lunch, played with Bethan, and then my cousin had to go out (part of the reason we were there is so that we could babysit). Everything was fine, Bethan was wonderful, and then the phone rang.
My dad was on the phone, speaking to my mum about a phone call he’d received at work, and I could hear them talking about dates – ‘12th August…but we’re away’ etc. Immediately I thought ‘oh, that was quick for my dad to get his cataracts done’ (because he was also waiting for an ‘op’ date). When she came off the phone, I said about that, and then she had to tell me that it wasn’t his cataracts but my back that they’d got an operation date for.
I was stunned, I think. To be honest I can’t really remember, even though I expect it was a moment I played back in my head a few times. And I didn’t want to cry, because I didn’t want Bethan to realise there was something wrong. I didn’t really talk for a little bit, unfortunately the house was pretty open plan so it wasn’t like I could hide, except in their bathroom, which I did for a short while. And then I composed myself and played kind of half-heartedly until it was time for us to leave.
I guess finding out in a situation where I felt I needed to be happy and smiley may have been beneficial – I wasn’t lying on the sofa at home crying whilst watching back to back box sets or daytime TV. But I think it did all dawn on me later in the day that everything that it was really happening now, and in less than two months time I was going to actually have the operation. I can’t remember but I’m pretty sure I didn’t eat much for the rest of the day, and I definitely cried myself to sleep (writing that sounds really really bad, but that’s what I did!)
Sorry this was all a bit gloomy and depressing, but that was how I felt. I promise I will write some nice things about the summer holiday before I go back to the heavy stuff, but, as always, thanks for reading, please comment and follow.